I'm sharing this. I'm weighing in. Don't like it. Don't read it.
I am not in any way condoning what she did. It was not okay. With that out of the way let's get on with it...
This is a loving mother. She was damaged. There is no way to be abused by your own child and not be damaged. Women who suffer abuse at the hands of a husband/significant other are damaged and when they snap no one bats an eye. It is intensely more damaging coming from a child you loved and nurtured and carried in your body for nine months. If you have not experienced it you will never know. Never.
She did not view it as taking her child life but as freeing her. There is no autism parent who has not looked at their autistic child and died a little inside because they seem so trapped. You know that it's not really them trying to hurt you and themselves but the illness... that is heartbreaking in ways that cannot be expressed.
Now, there has been research that says autism mom's have the same stress levels as active duty military. This woman was facing violence every six minutes on average during a bad day. How many veterans return from that and attempt to take their own lives?
She tried to take her own life because she fell into a hole of despair and could not see another way. She wanted to take her child with her because she considered it her burden to carry and could not find another way (in her dark perspective) to ensure that her family was safe. That included her daughter Issy. She chose carbon monoxide because it was painless. She really believed they would go to sleep and wake up at peace. It was not rational but it was done out of love. I really believe that. I am not saying it was okay or in any way right but she did not stab her daughter to death in anger our throw her out a window or attack her in any sort of violent way because she was not angry. She was acting out of desperation but she never stopped loving her daughter.
Dr Phil lost my respect today. You do not compare the average acting out of a teenager to the acting out of a child with autism. That's like comparing a thunderstorm to a hurricane. Yes, they both have rain but one is imminently more damaging.
That being said I want everyone to listen to this mother. You may or may not have an autistic child but chances are very good that you know someone who does. The system needs to change. There needs to be better care for the child, better understanding for the parents, better support for them all, but we can all play a part in stopping this from happening to someone we love. If you know someone with an autistic child... pay attention to what's going on. Look for signs of desperation. Watch for signs of utter helplessness and try to do what you can to support them. Don't give advice. Just listen. Try to help. Most importantly don't let them feel like they're alone because that desperation and isolation can push even the most loving parent right over that edge.
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