Kelli Stapleton

I'm sharing this. I'm weighing in. Don't like it. Don't read it.

I am not in any way condoning what she did. It was not okay. With that out of the way let's get on with it...

This is a loving mother. She was damaged. There is no way to be abused by your own child and not be damaged. Women who suffer abuse at the hands of a husband/significant other are damaged and when they snap no one bats an eye. It is intensely more damaging coming from a child you loved and nurtured and carried in your body for nine months. If you have not experienced it you will never know. Never.

She did not view it as taking her child life but as freeing her. There is no autism parent who has not looked at their autistic child and died a little inside because they seem so trapped. You know that it's not really them trying to hurt you and themselves but the illness... that is heartbreaking in ways that cannot be expressed.

Now, there has been research that says autism mom's have the same stress levels as active duty military. This woman was facing violence every six minutes on average during a bad day. How many veterans return from that and attempt to take their own lives?

She tried to take her own life because she fell into a hole of despair and could not see another way. She wanted to take her child with her because she considered it her burden to carry and could not find another way (in her dark perspective) to ensure that her family was safe. That included her daughter Issy. She chose carbon monoxide because it was painless. She really believed they would go to sleep and wake up at peace. It was not rational but it was done out of love. I really believe that. I am not saying it was okay or in any way right but she did not stab her daughter to death in anger our throw her out a window or attack her in any sort of violent way because she was not angry. She was acting out of desperation but she never stopped loving her daughter.

Dr Phil lost my respect today. You do not compare the average acting out of a teenager to the acting out of a child with autism. That's like comparing a thunderstorm to a hurricane. Yes, they both have rain but one is imminently more damaging.

That being said I want everyone to listen to this mother. You may or may not have an autistic child but chances are very good that you know someone who does. The system needs to change. There needs to be better care for the child, better understanding for the parents, better support for them all, but we can all play a part in stopping this from happening to someone we love. If you know someone with an autistic child... pay attention to what's going on. Look for signs of desperation. Watch for signs of utter helplessness and try to do what you can to support them. Don't give advice. Just listen. Try to help. Most importantly don't let them feel like they're alone because that desperation and isolation can push even the most loving parent right over that edge.

Kelli Stapleton interview

Getting someone to listen

     We moved. In a normal family this can be uncomfortable and disorienting. In a family with a special needs child there are no words to describe the experience.

     Gabriel has been doing okay with the new house. The older kids have been taking him to the park and four rides in the wagon and he seems to be adjusting relatively well but today is our kids first day of school. Everything changes today. It was my hope to have Gabriel enrolled in a program through the school as well. That was the plan where we lived before the move but this school district is a whole different ball of wax.

     I spoke to the early intervention administrator yesterday after waiting for two days. During our conversation I was informed that she will try to make time to meet Gabriel next week. Now, I understand that their lives are busy. I don't expect people to drop everything for my son. The issue I have is that during this same conversation she informed me that there is no special classroom for preschool special education. There is a program called headstart but there are no openings so she would like Gabriel to attend a "night time" "once a week" "preschool". I cannot explain to you how many issues there are with this.

     Gabriel needs more help than that. Once a week is a drop in the bucket. Once a week isn't going to help him find ways to communicate. Once a week is going to interrupt his schedule and that's about it. Then there is the issue of night time schooling. Everyone who has ever met an autistic child knows routine is everything. The night time routine, in our house, is really important because Gabriel has issues sleeping and winding down as it is. Then there's the issue of my husband's work schedule. He works overnights folks. Trying to squeeze in one more thing before he has to go to work seems impossible right now. This may seem small to most of you but I'm heartbroken.

     So now begins the struggle to try and make these people see. They need to see my child. They need to see what I see and understand that I will be their worst enemy if they don't. This is my battle cry. I will be an advocate for my son and I will make anyone standing in my way absolutely miserable.